Rambling: Ode to Mix Metaphors and Similies

Here's to mixed metaphors and similies, the glorious malapropisms that brighten the turbulent waters of our worst days. Like variety, they are the salt of the English language. They spice up sentences like roosters at dawn. Even a man with a heart of a stone lion knows a brilliant turn of cheek when he hears it. They can rain down on any parade of cats and dogs. And while English teachers may fight against them like a cheap Swiss watch, nothing is better for amusement than grabbing the bull by the horns and milking it for all its worth. Yes, without mixed metaphors writing would be dull like a barrel of monkeys. Yet, it seems that my ideas have reached the end of the rope with which to hang themselves. Thus, I must say farewell, parting the sea is such sweet sorrow.