Expectations

Lately, I've been pondering the effect that our expectations have on how we perceive reality, and, in turn, how those perception (sometimes incorrect), affect our actions and reactions. While this rough draft essay is far from perfect, it is an attempt to summarize in a somewhat coherent fashion, many of the diverse threads that are running through my mind on this issue.
While expectations can serve a good purpose, too often expectations can cause us to deceive ourselves about the truth and thus have incorrect responses to the circumstances of life.
Let me start with a classic illustration from the early 1900s. French scientists, determined to make a breakthrough to bring glory back to their country, believed that they had discovered a new form of radiation, dubbed "N rays." These rays had certain properties that could be observed by using a specially constructed device that identified the unique signature of these "rays." After a failed experiment of his own, an American scientist went to France to observe the collection of "N ray" data. Prior to one of the experiments, he secretly replaced the object that was supposed to be emitting "N rays" with a piece of wood and removed a prism from the apparatus. There was no way that the French scientists should have been able to detect "N rays." Yet, amazingly enough, the French scientists still reported the exact same "N ray" readings as before, because they expected to see them. These scientists fell guilty to allowing their expectations to influence improperly their perception of reality.
Before we have too long a laugh at the expense of the French, we should realize that we are too guilty of having incorrect expectations ourselves. I can think of times when I've been attracted to a woman and misinterpreted her actions because of my desire for her to show reciprocal interest in me. Likewise, we all know of students who have told themselves that they are "stupid" enough times that they stop trying in school, even when they are perfectly capable. Expectations, then, often cause us to twist the truth to suit our liking.
The problem with this twisting is two-fold. First, when we begin to make decisions based upon incorrect presuppositions, we will (eventually) wind up taking an action that results in negative consequences for us or for someone else, as was the case for our "failing" student above. Second, when we have unrealistic expectations of others, we often find ourselves disappointed and angry. How many marriages in this country, how many friendships, how many familial relationships, have been wrecked because of unrealistic expectations from one or both parties?
The solution to the problem posed by expectations is not to refuse to have expectations. Having no expectations results only in complacency, since we will accept anything if we expect nothing. (Perhaps this explains the current state of the American political system, but I digress...)
The solution to the problem posed by expectations is to have a "check" on our expectations. We need to examine them to make sure that they are in accord with reality. Often, when we find our expectations unmet, we tend to get angry and assume that our expectations were right to begin with. Instead, we should take a moment to examine our expectations to see if we had any reasonable right to hold them in the first place. For instance, many people get angry at God for some reason or another ("God didn't save me from this or that tragedy"). They expect that somehow, they deserve from God nothing but good. The become angry with God for not meeting their expectations. The way to recover from this is anger is to realize that, in reality, we are all sinners, deserving of nothing less than hell itself. That God is often merciful to us, both believers and unbelievers, by allowing good to happen in our lives does not mean that we have any right to expect such good from Him. For it was not because of our own goodness that God chose to save those of us who believe. Rather, it was by his grace alone that we are able to exercise complete trust in Jesus Christ and live a life glorifying to God. And I digress.
Expectations, as we've seen briefly, do wind up affecting us more powerfully at times than any of us would care to admit. The key to living without unrealistic expectations is to check our expectations periodically against an absolute standard. Often, we will need outside help (a friend, a pastor, a family member, God's Word) to do so.
Expectations, though, are not always bad. That discussion, though, belongs to another blog post.