Rambling: The Secret Lives of Teachers

When you were in school, you may have wondered, "What do my teachers do once school's out? What do they do with their spare time?" Being a teacher, I am in a unique position to answer that question. So, I thought I would give all of you curious students a behind-the-scenes look at what teachers do when the students aren't around. (Danger: extreme amounts of tongue-in-cheek writing ahead.)
The question "What do teachers do in their spare time" is a poor question to ask. It ranks up there with questions like "Is this seat taken?" and "Hey, good lookin', is your father a thief, 'cause someone stole the stars and put them in your eyes."
You see, teachers have no spare time, but not for the reason you think. You see, teachers do not lack spare time because they are so busy with grading, planning lectures, writing tests, grading some more, and then grading after that.
No, teachers lack spare time because teachers are actually robots. That's right, teachers are merely instructional automatons who shut down once all the students have left the building. Your high school math teacher, for example, was not named Mr. Walters, but Math Instructional Unit 101537, and once all of his students left for the day, he returned to his charging station (also known as his desk chair) to recharge for the next day. (That was, by the way, why he rarely got his grading done. He was always recharging.)
Incidentally, this is why teachers are so protective of their desk chairs. You always thought it was a power trip issue. And it is a sense, just not in the way you think, for if a non-robot sits in a robot-charging chair for too long, the intense current coursing through the person's body will cause nerve and brain damage that will render the unfortunate occupant of the chair less coherent than the US Tax Code.
I would discuss this in more detail, but I am limited on space. So, for now, you know a little. Maybe some day, I'll write some more.