Forest Ponderings

One of my students got me started on this line of thinking earlier today. I thought it'd be interesting to explore the following questions:
Q: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?
A: Yes. Sound is defined as the vibration of air molecules by an object. Thus, as the tree falls and hits the ground, it vibrates air molecules (and the ground upon collision), making sound. That no one is there to observe the sound does not negate the existence of it.
Q: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around, does someone still manage to get government benefits for being hit by it?
A: Yes, most likely, given the government's recent track record. However, it may take 2 or 3 three appeals.
Q: If a man says something in the forest and no woman is in the forest to hear it, is he still wrong?
A: If you are a woman and you are reading this, then you will probably say that the answer is "yes," and I'm not going to argue with you. (Don't argue with a woman; either way you lose.) If you are a man and you are reading this, then you will probably say that the answer is "no." That is, you will answer "no" unless there's a woman within close proximity to you who is also reading this, in which case you will probably answer "yes."
Q: If an airplane crashes in the forest and no one is around, who buries the survivors?
A: Probably their next of kin, whenever they die. Usually survivors aren't buried. President Bush is the exception, of course. He gets buried by the media pretty much every day.
Q: If a liberal theologian says something in a forest and no one is around to hear it, will the media still print it as if he speaks authoritatively for all Christians?
A: The Jesus Seminar voted on this question, and the answer was as follows: 2% casted the red ("definitely") bead, 23% casted the pink ("probably") bead, 30% casted the gray ("maybe") bead, and 45% casted the black ("definitely not") bead. In the process, they also decided that Jesus was married and that He really didn't say most of what the Gospels quote Him as saying. I'm sure that these "facts" will come as a surprise to Him. The results were then immediately published by all the major news outlets.