Loquacious Cogitation

Numerous spherical conglomerations of dihyrdogen monoxide are failing in their struggle with gravity and rapidly alighting on the carbon-based carpet life form. A sufficient accumulation of these previously airborne particulate-liquid suspensions should force the postponement of tomorrow's contest of association football, bringing elation to the overly-taxed scholars of the ultimate level who have recently been protesting the level of their quotidian workload.
Expressions of gratitude; benevolent nocturnal time frame.

Graduate School Homework

It's sort of like the instructions on the back of the shampoo bottle (lather, rinse, repeat); only for graduate school, it's more like
1. Read
2. Write
3. Repeat
4. Repeat some more
5. Repeat ad naseum

The Emprorer Is Not Pleased...

Yesterday was the due date for taxes, and many people scrambled to file their taxes either online or through the mail. According to reports I've read, the Post Office decided to have a little fun this year, at least in Topeka, by hiring people to dress up as Star Wars characters to "stand guard" over the mailbox as people came to drop off their tax returns. I can just imagine how much fun a guy in a Darth Vader suit could have with people showing up to mail their returns.
[A man walks up to the R2-D2 shaped mailbox. A man dressed in a Darth Vader costume is standing next to it.]
Darth [in perfect James Earl Jones voice]: The Emperor is not pleased with your lack of progress on your taxes.
Man [dumbfound]: Uh....
Darth [pulling out toy light saber]: Paying your taxes is your destiny. The Emperor has foreseen it. Mail your return, and your journey to the Dark Side will be complete.
Man [very confused and scared]: Uh, yeah....
[Man drops the mailbox and hurriedly walks off]

Sparrows

It was such a nice day that I opened up my apartment to the outside air. As a result of having only the screen door open, I could see and hear what was going on outside. The birds were making a ton of noise, and none were noisier than a couple of sparrows (I think they were sparrows) that landed on my deck. There were two, one of which I think was a male because it was brighter-colored. The other one (the female?) landed and spent about ten minutes chirping away happily while the other (the male?) just sat there. It was almost like they were checking out my deck to see if it was a good place to build a nest. Regardless of what they were doing, they got my cat's attention. After tensely listening to the chirping for a while, she started chirping back and hopped off of my lap and ran to the screen door, wanting to get the birds but not sure how to get to them. If you have never heard a cat "chirp" at birds, it is one of the funniest sounds you will ever hear. Perhaps one of these days, I can record a bit of the sound and post it up here.

Forest Ponderings

One of my students got me started on this line of thinking earlier today. I thought it'd be interesting to explore the following questions:
Q: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?
A: Yes. Sound is defined as the vibration of air molecules by an object. Thus, as the tree falls and hits the ground, it vibrates air molecules (and the ground upon collision), making sound. That no one is there to observe the sound does not negate the existence of it.
Q: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around, does someone still manage to get government benefits for being hit by it?
A: Yes, most likely, given the government's recent track record. However, it may take 2 or 3 three appeals.
Q: If a man says something in the forest and no woman is in the forest to hear it, is he still wrong?
A: If you are a woman and you are reading this, then you will probably say that the answer is "yes," and I'm not going to argue with you. (Don't argue with a woman; either way you lose.) If you are a man and you are reading this, then you will probably say that the answer is "no." That is, you will answer "no" unless there's a woman within close proximity to you who is also reading this, in which case you will probably answer "yes."
Q: If an airplane crashes in the forest and no one is around, who buries the survivors?
A: Probably their next of kin, whenever they die. Usually survivors aren't buried. President Bush is the exception, of course. He gets buried by the media pretty much every day.
Q: If a liberal theologian says something in a forest and no one is around to hear it, will the media still print it as if he speaks authoritatively for all Christians?
A: The Jesus Seminar voted on this question, and the answer was as follows: 2% casted the red ("definitely") bead, 23% casted the pink ("probably") bead, 30% casted the gray ("maybe") bead, and 45% casted the black ("definitely not") bead. In the process, they also decided that Jesus was married and that He really didn't say most of what the Gospels quote Him as saying. I'm sure that these "facts" will come as a surprise to Him. The results were then immediately published by all the major news outlets.

Americans in Technical Support

I bought an iPod less than a month ago, and to my surprise, when I went to try to use it today, it was dead! It would not charge, reset, or power up. So, after about an hour's worth of searching through Apple's tech support web site and trying everything I could think of to get the silly device to work, I finally called Apple. I fully expected to talk to someone with an Indian accent named "Joe" (of course we know that's not his real name, just as we also know that we have no hope of pronouncing his real name). Instead, I was pleasantly surprised (after enduring the standard automated answering system) to be greeted by an American accent. The tech support guy was helpful, understanding, and recognized that since I bought the iPod less than 30 days, I was entitled to a new one as a replacement instead of a refurbished one. It took about 45 minutes to get the situation taken care of. I have to say that I'm disappointed that the product failed in such a short time. I'm glad that support was so good, though.

Global Warming...On Mars!

I just read an article today that reported that Mars is experiencing warming and has been since the 1970s. <sarcasm>This warming, of course, is quite clearly being caused by human-produced carbon dioxide.</sarcasm> Seriously, it is very interesting to me that Mars is experiencing the same warming as the Earth over the same time as Earth. For Mars, the only apparent cause is increased solar radiation. If the warming on Mars is caused by increased solar radiation, then why are we so quick to blame human activities for the warming here on Earth?

Rain and Mud

On Friday, Topeka set a record for precipitation on that date, 2.22 inches. A similar amount fell over in Lawrence, causing me to expect that the soccer tournament at which I was going to referee would be canceled. I was wrong. The tournament proceed, although the field where I worked had some horrible swampy areas. It was not the most enjoyable field to work on. It wouldn't have been so bad, either, if I hadn't had to do four games in a row, with the hardest one at the end. It was a difficult afternoon of hard work. Thankfully, the heavy rain is done for a while, giving this region a time to dry out.